The Irresistible Revolution

So if the world hates us, we take courage that it hated Jesus first. If you're wondering whether you'll be safe, just look at what they did to Jesus and those who followed him. There are safer ways to live than by being a Christian. And there are cooler ways to live than by trying to follow the gospel. But look on the bright side, if you end up in jail, historically, you will be in very good company. Jail has always been an important place for Christians. In eras of injustice, it becomes the Christian's home.
So live real good and get beat up real bad. Dance until they kill you, and then we'll dance some more. That's how this thing seems to work.

-Shane Claiborne, Love extremist and ordinary radical

see no evil, speak no healing

First draft, strong start, good ending.

and sir, it's like you walk up here
like you know, or I know
something we don't need to bring up with words.
and so sir, I'm not gonna pretend that
there's time to spend on
mourning, lamenting and too much contemplating
on the things that aren't worth changing.

And yeah, sir, they were right.
there is seven that will kill you. they just
messed up a few.
Greed, yeah they got that one
but they forgot most.
Greed, apathy, ignorance, complaint,
indulgence, destruction and fear

Because yeah, I agree we need to change.
but there's seven deadly sins and
a lot of broken hearts.
So love hard and remember your life before love
live until they kill you, and try to change their minds.
There's too much hurt and
too little change.
Take chances, dance ungracefully
and grant one and other grace.
I dare you to believe in justice, in the righting of wrongs
Because when we become jaded, it means we become everything we once hated.

Lace up your shoes with readiness and peace

Okay, let's throw this down, starting from the bottem up.
I'm usually complaining or worrying about my foundation, whether I'm strong enough built on more rock than sand.

Ephesians 6
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

So my foundation (feet) needs to be built on readiness and peace that I am given through the gospel. I think the two need eachother. Being ready means anticipating, waiting and the ability to start the second you're called. Peace means an assurance that whatever you're waiting for, will come. The achievemnt of both states of mind and being are found by chewing up the gospel.
What do I need to be ready for? God's plan for me and my life. I need to stop assuming and guessing. I need to start living my life minute to minute, doing what I can for God as the seconds pass and seeking the kingdom. In all ways, know him and acknowledge him and he'll straighten my path.
Why do I need peace? Because I stress all over the place! Duh! Because I need peace in the assurance of my salvation (thank God for grace!) and peace in the assurance of God's plan for me.
Well, he's told me he's got a plan in several ways, I need to stop forgetting.
Taylor Craig wrote a prophetic poem over me months ago. It's one that's been a constant blessing to both of our lives.

A girl once told me;
"It feels like my life is unraveling."

They do that now and then.
Lives.
Lives unravel now and then.
There's not really a warranty on them.
If you go to Zellers, or Wal-Mart or somewhere.
There's always some sort of return deal.
In store credit, or cash back if you're lucky.
But there's not when it comes to life.
Which is strange you know?
Life is a gift.
Strung together by these infinitesimally small pieces that some Almighty created.
Some know-it-all, made-it-all kind of being created you, and I, and us.
And gave us to us, and our lives to us, as a gift.
And normally gifts have the best exchange rates.
But life doesn't.
Otherwise I'd return mine. Just send it back to this God by whatever means.
But you'd get nothing in return.
Emptiness just brings more emptiness.
And there's no answer to unhappiness, no earthy answer to unhappiness.
The policy is free buys nothing more.
And we kind of work with what we have.

Now you're asking:
But this Guy created us,
and wanted us to be happy.
And if this man, He,
took life and molded me,
and just wanted us to be happy;
Then how is it that out of all of these insecurities,
and day to day unsurities,
and the little pieces of life that should all fall together so easily,
but just don't because life is so much harder than it seems,
He excepts us to fall to our knees,
and worship him?

And is he really in control of my life.
I need a sign,
some reassurance from God divine
just to prove that he spends some time
thinking things through
and making sure that in all our lives
and from day to day the things we do
are not in vain and not unorganized.
And some how our dreams we dream, in spite of it all come true.


I told that girl.
Who had a name, but I fail to mention it here.
That girl.
God made you not to live in fear of tomorrow.
Or where you will be in one year or ten years.
But to live life to the full today,
and know that it is him who will say,
and has said,
"When you rest in me,
I will take away all of your tears."

And he means it.

By those words, which Taylor and I both believe were given to us by our God, and the divine Holy Bible, I'll find peace and readiness.
I need to get off of this unstable sand, and find the rock that'll outlast the storm.

Peace and grace.
<3

Grace make your way to the well.

For how much I talk about "grace", for the amount of times I use that word in a day and the songs I listen to that are about it, let alone the scriptures pertaining to it, I think it's amazing that I forgot all about grace.
I've spent so much time thinking about who I am and who I should be, what the church is and how to stop it from being what it shouldn't be, and what it means to be living like Christ and pushing myself to go places that I can't go yet (see post where I complain about living in my house. Wow. That was grateful.) I've been so caught up that I forgot all about grace.
What an amazing, amazing gift.
wow.
I'm sorry God.
I won't forget about grace.

I need to rebuilt myself, reequip myself with the armor, starting from the feet. I need peace.
I'll find my peace in the grace I am given through faith.
I'm ready to wait now, God must be so sick of my nagging him.

Grace remix.

I finally got around to messing around with this one, and I'm much more pleased with it now.
It still needs a name.

So you're sitting here, sitting and crying
and I'll take your indignant silence as prayer, girl.
You're saying you're weak, we both know you're lying
let's talk this out, because by sunrise I need you out in the world.

I'm burned and I'm breaking,
I'm in the wilderness, I'm in the rain,
I'm scared and I'm hurting,
Lost, dying and dirty.
Why are they always so strong?
Why am I always alone?
why do they get to cast out what is wrong?
And why do I get attacked and beg to come home?

Listen, kid
you won't ever get to be the strong one.
You'll always be breaking; and it'll be worth it in the long run.
And I want you here, I want you home too
but your brothers and sisters, I need them to come with you.

So fix me now
I'm not okay and my world is upside-down
I need to feel okay again,
Because I don't know how much longer I can go without your rain.

Holy yourself up, doll, then we'll talk complete healing
but there's things in this world that deserve your grieving

Yeah okay, I get that
but would you mind explaining to me
how everything falls so easily?
Why you allowed death on this planet and then put me here
and now you expect me to hope in you, and somehow not fear?
and how come you, in infinite wisdom-

Slow down, babydoll, let's take this one at a time
first, It's not your job to be strong
it's mine.
And death will always follow you, always be on your back
but I promise you'll find life in me, that I'll give you anything you lack

I get that, I trust you, I'm sorry Dad
I know I need to wait on you and put my life in your hands
I'll wait for healing, just please
stay with me

Remember what I told your brother Joshua all those years ago?
I'll never foresake you nor forget you
Now go.
Your knees must ache from all this kneeling,
and those wounds in your heart will take time healing;
but I promise I'll fix you, these wounds I'll heal into scars.
I give you peace and grace, free you from sin's iron bars.
the world doesn't need to see you being strong
They need to see me holding you, and you singing my songs.

Consider me, the comfortable, afflicted.

x Shayna- There ain't no waffles in Belgium says:
I'm proud of you
x Shayna- There ain't no waffles in Belgium says:
just for everything
Caitlyn.. these hearts are yours says:
really?
x Shayna- There ain't no waffles in Belgium says:
yea
Caitlyn.. these hearts are yours says:
why?
x Shayna- There ain't no waffles in Belgium says:
because you're following your heart and you have so much courage that you don't even know you have
Caitlyn.. these hearts are yours says:
I love you so much!
x Shayna- There ain't no waffles in Belgium says:
I love you too!
x Shayna- There ain't no waffles in Belgium says:
DON'T CRY
x Shayna- There ain't no waffles in Belgium says:
lol, you'll ruin the moment

That's my unbiological big sister Shayna, whom I love like crazy.
So I was thinking in the shower, if God comforts and afflicted and afflicts the comfortable, I sure am afflicted. It's hard for me to live in this house, eat the food and drive in my parents cars. It's getting REALLY hard, this feels so backwards and wrong. I had an argument with my dad some months ago regarding the poor. My dad is a Jehovah's Witness, right? And I was raised one and believe that they love the same Christ as I, they just get a little confused about some religion and theology. Anyways, assuming that my father and I adore the same Saviour, I asked dad if he would like to man a kettle that week, because we were so short. His response? He laughed. That was really hard for me, driving in the passenger seat of his 2006 Magnum and having him chuckle about the idea of helping the Salvation Army's efforts with the downtown poor. I asked him why and he said "Jehovah's Witnesses don't DO that, it's celebrating Christmas". I asked him what Jehovah's Witnesses DID do for the poor, and he responded with an indifferant, "nothing, really". I brought up the verse where Jesus talks about a docter coming to heal the sick, not deal with the healthy and he talked about how, sometimes, he was sure his brothers and sisters in the organisation went downtown with tracts and books. That was still really hard. Jesus didn't just offer paper to the homeless and sinners, he washed their feet. I don't think a congregation of JW's (or at least tnot the ones I was brought up with) would react very well at ALL to a homeless person coming into a service. Since then, my dad has bought a new car, a new couch, three lazyboy chairs and has considered a summerhome. And since then, I've been seriously afflicted. I can't do this, it's hetting so hard. I've never been one of the kids who buys a lot of clothes or cares who's name is on their cereal box, but it's getting hard to watch my dad, who believes Christ died for his sins, buy a cabin he'll only see a few weeks of the year. We'll have an empty cabin for 10 months and someone downtown could be praying to whatever God listens for a warm bed and a hug. One time I quote St. Francis to my dad, Prech the gospel, and, if neccesary, speak. My dad said "yeah, but he wasn't a Jehovah's Witness". Well, no, because Jehovah's Witnesses weren't founded for quite some time, but he believe in the same Christ, didn't he?
This is just al real hard. I'm a kid who, if I found out my ipod (if I had one) was made by some kids in a dark factory, I'd have a real hard time touching it. it's hard for my to live in thise house, where we spend our blessings like they belong to us, and we give freely unto the corperation as we had freely given unto us.
I need to break out. I need to live how I always dreamed, minaminlly as possible in some slum district, probably never having a real career. But I probably can't give up on my dad. Mother Teresa said that in the rich, we find a differant kind of poverty, we find loneliness. I don't doubt my dad is lonely. But this is soo hard. But Jesus never said it would be easy, right? Things that easy can be done on our own, it's the hard things where we relaise how badly we need God in our lives. cynicisym takes very little energy, I need to start finding other ways to deal with this.
I have no clue what'll happen when I finish highschool. I don't think I'm the kind of person that'll ever have a real career, I'll be too busy loving people all the time.

"What would a twenty-year-old Jesus have said if they asked him 'What are you going to do when you grow up?' I don't know, probably something like, 'I'm going to turn the world upside-down. I'm going to hang out with tax collecters and prostitutes until they kill me.' Or what would Peter have said? 'Well, I was going to be a fisherman, but then I met this dude, and he messed all that up.'" -Shane Claiborne

Those should be our answers, or something like that, shouldn't they? This world gets so caught up in where we're going, what we are going to do. We as followers of Christ need to start focusing on who we are becoming (as Christ-like as possible, hopefully) and what Christ is going to do with US.

Grace and peace.
<3.

You need God, not oxygen.

Today was intense. The Spirit decided to come hang out with me in my room.
So I'm just like, in my room after a TERRIFIC Hosanna right? Rockin out to some Paramore, as usual. And I was singing My Heart at the top of my lungs, because I usually do that. And all of a sudden I get slammed with the Spirit. Like, hardcore. Had, what I guess could be best described as, a series of tiny Glory fits or something, it was intense. I just sat crying and praying and prophesying for like, 2 hours.
I don't even know, but I haven't felt like that in months.
At Hosanna today, I started talking to the girls about my experiances at Consumed, which is weird, because for a long time I was in a place, theologically, that made me think I wasn't ready to understand what happened. Maybe I took a lesson from Billy Booth and stopped caring about theology and only reading into the Spirit and the Word. That was the first time I saw Faytene Kriskow speak (pretty much life-changing or whatever), first time I ever experianced glory gold-dust, first time I ever witnessed tounges or learned anything about demons and how they can effect us in this world.
I remember one night, we threw open the doors of the church and spilled out into the parking lot dancing our hearts out and throwing ourselves at Jesus' feet.
Consumed and Avalanche, those were crazy freakin weekends. I love the CFC crew.
I'm doing History Maker again this year, mostly stoked because my lovely Mennonite soulmates from Neighborhood are coming with us.

So maybe the War College won't get off my heart lately, and maybe all the mystery TWC kids posting on my blog are making my day. Maybe I really, really need to apply there, my mom is suprised I haven't already.

And EVERYBODY has to go pick up The Irrisistable Revolution - Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne. I picked it up a few days ago and have read it 3 times. If you have any hesitation towards the idea that God calls us to truly become the least in this world, you'll have some new ideas after readin his prophetic words.

ALSO
be SURE to check out the Nanaimo OTHERS group blog!
www.thesalvationarmyothers.blogspot.com
AND the PRAYER BLOG (and NOT just because I run it)
www.saothersprayer.blogspot.com

I love you all.
Grace and peace be yours .

<3 style="font-weight: bold;">

if this is love, the fairytales never came true.

I hate demons, and I sure hate lust.
Lust seems to be how the dumb devil is making grabs at my loved ones (and myself) lately.
I'm really seeing the reason we're not supposed to let ourselves be unequally yoked, it's useless. When I'm bummed or feel particularly attacked, I go to the people I trust most. My best friends, my mentors, my comforters. What I usually need from those people is a slap on the side of the head and for them to yell "Jesus LOVES you!" into my face over and over until I get it, until I remember the price my Saviour paid for me. Now, if I had a boyfriend or something enter into the equation, I can't even imagine not being able to receive that reminder from him. I could never be in a relationship without the bond of the Holy Spirit. I think that, when you've that THAT person, the one you love like no one else, they should be your everything. Your best friend, your mentor, your student, your teacher, the person you laugh with and the shoulder you cry on. If you need to go anyone else for one of those things, I think something is missing. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think that the only reason that you chose to have best friends after finding the love that God made for you in another person is because you enjoy their company so much, not because they have something your significant other doesn't.
I have to stop preparing to settle for less, I can wait.
I have faith in God's love for my friends, and I know a lot of them have already seen the conviction they needed, to learn that porn is stupid, sex is for husbands and wives, waiting is worth it and that not having a boyfriend doesn't mean you're not worth loving.
We all need to start seeing ourselves through God's eyes, not through our boy/girlfriends.

I love you.

Grace, peace and an assurance that you are LOVED be yours in ABUNDANCE.