dust off the brush off.

I've been noticing recently that there is a real spirit of rebellion on me that needs to be broken. I definitely am seeing a tendency to refuse submission to authority, and being reluctant to view most people with power over me as actual authority figures. My mom said the other day that I made such good friends with teachers and such because I refused to see them as anything more than people; regardless of their stature or age. On paper, that probably sounds great, but in real life, it's probably the reason I never felt it important enough to go to class, go anywhere on time or abide by any set rule. I've gotten away with everything so far in my life (I've never really had anything worse than minor detentions) but it's starting to impose a real problem here at the War College. There seem to be very few rules I haven't broken (not always intentional) and very few requirements I've kept up regularly. One my great friends, a member of WC Alumni, also had to deal with some rebellion and was put on probation for it.
The point is: I chose to be here, I need to start living up to it. I need to care about getting put on probation. It's not okay for me to continue pushing rules to see how far I can get away with them. People keep doing their best to keep me accountable, but I keep brushing them off.
That's how I am. I'm not openly resistant, but I brush people, things and obligations off. I truly don't care about many things, but I need to start.

I wrote this recently about a particular rule that I was constantly choosing to ignore for the past few weeks. I'm still struggling with it, also, so if anyone wants to pray, they should give'r.
It's still REALLY rough. 1st draft.

On the page 6 citation
of the rules and regulations
you might notice the 1.5 inch space for interpretation.
And if you feel you are entitled
to a special class of manipulation
feel free to alter and amend
for your personal situation.

Leave yourselves not unlearned, however,
that this kind of understanding comes to us
in seasons of awful weather.
So if you feel, for some reason, it's worth it
to forget the rules you swore to remember
you'd best by new blankets
and probably some type of sweater.