Not breathing can cause you to die.

I was crying at the Holiness table feeling down this morning. I was crying because I feel weak. I feel like I'm always broken or breaking and some are so much stronger in faith and scripture and coping. And God started telling me to write this stuff down:

So you're sitting here, sitting and crying
maybe even praying.
I didn't chose you because I thought you were good enough.
And you won't ever get to be the strong one.
You'll always be breaking;
It's not your job to be strong
it's mine.
You'll break and die in such a cold life and I designed you like that.
But while you're here,
while you're still kneeling
all eyes are on you now,
and they don't need to see you being strong.
People will follow your-my-lamenting at the mercy seat.
And I
want
them.
Bring them here, teach them to kneel,
bring all of my children to their knees.

Even though you're scared and broken, I'll pick you up
and I'll be forever strong.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not ready, or never will be. That I'll always falling, I'm too little in faith and God's plans are too big, that they should be done by someone stronger.
Forgive me God, sometimes I'm rediculous. I trust you.


"Sovereign Lord," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child."
:but the LORD said to me, "Do not say 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD. - Jeremiah 1:6-7

Do you get it yet? It doesn't say "if something happens, I'll come get you"
it says "I AM with you and I WILL rescue you".
Lame stuff is GOING to happen, we WILL break and fall and God will be with us as it happens.
We were meant to break, we were made to cry out in fear and mourning, because God takes those moments to count our precious tears and cry will us and promise we'll be alright, that he knows what to do.
He WILL rescuse you, and you will NEED rescuing.
Truth is, there's no strong ones. We're all weak. If we didn't need God to rescue us, we could do this by ourselves, and nothing gets done right when we do this by ourselves.
I'm not weak because I fall, I am not uneligible to follow the Spirit because I break.

I used to think that strength meant that you understand that God is always with you regardless of how broken you feel and how scared you are.
I think what it really means is breaking and dying so bad that you feel that he's foresaken you and chosing to believe that somehow He exists, and begging Him to love you out of this if he can hear you.
If that is so, I am strong, and your strength is in me.
I do not fear. I trust you.

May grace, peace, strength and revelation be yours.
<3